Oops!
Now look what you've done!
No harm done, ma'am. It's only an egg.
Only an egg!
Yes, ma'am, just a little old egg, that's all.
I suppose it never occurred to you that this egg is somebody's child.
- That it once had a mother. - No, ma'am.
And a father.
Yes, ma'am.
You're one of those people, no doubt, who thinks a chicken lays an egg
all by herself.
Yes, ma'am.
Well, she doesn't. She lays it with help,
and I ought to know because I helped her.
Yes, ma'am. Yes, indeed, ma'am.
Telling me about eggs.
And I'll bet you think an egg is something
you casually order for breakfast
when you can't think of anything else.
Well, so did I once.
But that was before The Egg and I.
Oh! This is the day they give babies away with a half a pound of tea
You open the lid and out pops a kid with a half a pound of tea
- Betty? - Hmm?
Remember, once, we talked about maybe having a farm someday?
Uh-huh.
You thought about it since?
Uh-uh.
I have.
Betty, you ever think how we're gonna spend the rest of our lives?
Whatever my husband chooses to do, it's all right with me.
The question is, are we going to trod the old paths
or break new roads into the wilderness?
I don't know. Which?
You know, Betty,
when you're lying in a foxhole in Okinawa,
you got plenty of time to think things out.
You know what I said to myself?
I said, "Just exactly what have Saddle, Finch, Tanner, Pease and Stuck
"to do with all this?"
- And you know what the answer was? - Uh-uh.
Nothing! Absolutely nothing!
And that's why I'm not going back to being a mere customer's man
at Saddle, Finch, Tanner, Pease and Stuck.
- Aren't you? - I am not!
I resigned yesterday.
Hang Saddle, Finch, Tanner, Pease and Stuck.
Well, you'll find something else, I'm sure.
We'll talk about it in the morning.
Betty, do you know what a fellow thinks about
when he's lying out there in the mud
with the shells bursting all around him?
I'd be thinking about you.
He thinks about the fundamental things.
The things that really count, the basic things.
He thinks about love and food and babies
and things growing out of the ground.
He thinks about cows and horses...
Do you know what I dreamt about most, Betty?
Tell me, darling.
About chickens.
Chickens?
Can't you just picture it, Betty?
Just you and me, all by ourselves
with thousands and thousands of chickens.
Every one of them laying eggs all day long.
What on earth would we do with that many eggs?
We sell them.
Those that we don't keep for incubating, of course.
- Incubating? - Yes! Incubating.
Darling, I bought a chicken farm.
- A chicken farm? - It's the most wonderful place
you can possibly imagine!
It's situated high up in the mountains, miles from everywhere.
Forty beautiful fertile acres.
Well, that sounds fine.
We'll go there every weekend.
Every weekend? Honey, we're gonna live there all the time.
We're gonna raise chickens.
- Are we? - You bet we are!
Betty, you have no idea what a fascinating little devil a chicken can be.
It's unbelievable. There must be over 100 varieties.
Australorps, Dorkings, Leghorns, 12 different kinds of them.
The New Hampshire Red, the Rhode Island Red,
the Light Brahma, the Black Sumatra,
the Jersey White Giant,
the Plymouth Rock, the Barred Rock. There are millions of them.
Now you take the average White Leghorn that lays, say, 150 to 250 eggs a year,
and we'll say that she costs between $2.25 and $2.50 to raise.
They all right back there?
They're fine. They love it.
Of course, our profit will vary depending on the percentage of cockerels.
The percentage of cockerels is a vital factor
in determining the cost of each pullet.
So, you've got to keep watching for those little combs
to break out of the shells.
Then you separate them and fatten them up
and dress them and off to market they go.
Oh, my hat! Oh, God! Stop!
We can't stop here. We'll get it later.
But... He's eating it!
Don't worry. It won't hurt him.
How much longer?
Pretty soon, now.
- Beautiful country, isn't it? - Mmm.
Seems so far away.
Far away from what?
I don't know. Just far away.
Get ready, Betty.
Are we there?
In a minute.
Close your eyes. I want to surprise you with it.
They were closed!
Close them again.
All right! Open them.
Where's the house?
That's it, right there.
Oh.
Needs a new coat of paint.
The agent told me there wasn't another house like it in the whole county.
Come on, I'll show it to you.
Isn't this the most beautiful setting for a house you ever saw, Betty?
Isn't it wonderful?
How do you like this view from the front porch?
Well, honey, this is it. Over the threshold.
Oh!
Hang on.
Darling, you'd better put me down.
Yeah, all right.
It's stuck. I'll have to force it.
Are you all right?
Yeah, I'm all right.
Those hinges must've loosened up.
Oh.
Fixed that!
Well, honey, what do you think of it?
Hasn't it got a lot of character?
That stairway goes up to the attic.
This is the bedroom over here. This is the living room.
Nice size room, isn't it?
Good floors. Won't have to do a thing to them,
just scrub and polish them.
Here's the dining room in here.
Boy, they don't build houses like this nowadays.
This table isn't bad, is it?
Solid oak.
I don't care much for that fixture though, do you?
Just wait till you see the kitchen.
Isn't this something? An old-fashioned kitchen.
I haven't seen one like this since I was a kid.
None of that streamlined stuff.
This is the kind of a place where you can really get down to living.
No running water, no Frigidaire. Just plenty of elbow room.
Here's the back porch. Out here.
Go on. Take a look.
That's the chicken house, over there.
Of course, we'll have to make it bigger.
And those woods back there belong to us, too.
And isn't that some barn?
That's the pig pen right there in front of it.
Compact little layout, isn't it?
Of course, it needs a little sprucing up, some paint and some patches.
We'll get started on that in the morning.
Come on, I'll show you the rest of the house.
You haven't seen anything yet.
It keeps getting better and better.
Here's the pantry.
These steps go down to the cellar where we store vegetables and things
and all those canned goods you're gonna put up.
What's that?
Oh!
Isn't that a beauty?
I bet you've never seen a stove like that in all your life.
Just aching for a big side of beef or a potful of soup
or a couple of dozen loaves of bread.
Fresh bread! I can smell it already.
Betty, you're gonna have a wonderful time with that stove.
You can get to the bedroom right through the kitchen, here.
I don't think it likes me.
- Betty? - Coming.
You and I, my friend, are not going to get along at all.
- Bob! - How do you like this bed?
- Hmm? - Isn't it a wonderful old piece?
Hmm.
Needs a little propping up.
There. That ought to do it.
Kind of noisy, don't you think?
Isn't this the life, Betty?
I guess so.
Once you get used to it.
It's raining!
Right through the roof.
Gesundheit.
There. You'll be all right here.
I'm gonna have to get up that roof.
Some of the shingles must've loosened up.
You catching cold? You must've been sitting in a draft.
I must've.
You better get in bed.
Ah, just smell that.
Wonderful to fill your lungs with good clean air for a change.
Well, the first night in our own home.
Doesn't it feel great, Betty?
Gonna make it a real home, too.
Something to be proud of.
None of that hit-and-run stuff for us.
Just think, Betty,
this is where we'll probably spend the rest of our lives.
Doesn't it give you a wonderful sense of security?
Now, then.
Everything's gotta be scheduled.
Can't leave anything to chance.
Farming's a big enough gamble as it is.
Now, by June, we should have at least a half dozen sucklings.
We'll have a calf in July.
And then, along about August,
we can begin to figure out more important offspring.
Ah, darling.
Maybe 500 or 600 of them.
Five hundred or 600 what?
Well, chicks, of course. Maybe even more, if we're lucky.
I'd like to raise something besides chickens, you know?
Oh. We'll have plenty of those, too.
I'm counting on at least four. Maybe even five.
Three boys and two girls, huh?
- All at once? - No. One at a time.
Let's schedule the first one for
a year from the day. How's that?
That looks like a good day for it.
Betty.
Hey, Betty!
Hey, wake up!
Didn't you hear the alarm clock?
You going to lie there in bed forever?
Now, come on, get out of there. I've got breakfast almost ready.
But it's still night out.
What do you mean, night? It's 4:30.
Half the morning's gone.
I'll let you loll in bed because it's the first day.
But from now on, you've gotta be up every morning at 4:00 sharp.
Hey! Betty!
Hmm?
Come on! Get out of there. You got a lot of work to do.
Betty!
Bob!
How are those nails, Betty?
Hey, Betty.
Betty, what are you doing down there?
Just dropped in to say howdy.
- Howdy. - Howdy.
Ma told me to come by and ask you over
for a visit when you got time.
We're your neighbors. Just down the road a spell.
Kettle's the name. Folks call me Pa.
- I'm glad to know you, Pa. - Likewise.
- Hello! - Hi!
This is my husband.
Meet Pa Kettle, Bob.
Just dropped in to say howdy.
Well, howdy.
Howdy.
Thought I'd tell you, as long as we're neighbors,
you can count on us for anything you might be needing.
Just step in and ask for it.
We'll be glad to lend a helping hand.
Well, thanks, Mr. Kettle. That's very nice of you.
You building something?
Yes, we're putting up a new chicken coop.
Wouldn't mind having a few of them two-by-fours.
Been fixing my barn. Ain't had no time to get to town.
Well, go ahead. Help yourself.
Well, that's real neighborly of you.
Won't be needing more than two or so.
Give me a holt here, will you?
You bet.
Oh, uh... Two more, just in case.
Better have another one for good measure.
You sure you've got enough?
Well, maybe one more for the house.
Thank you. I'll take it from here.
Afraid I'm gonna need a couple of pounds of nails.
I ain't got none to fit a two-by-four.
I guess I can let you have a couple of pounds.
And an extra hammer and a saw.
Kids been using my saw and plumb ruined the edge.
Couldn't cut butter with it now.
Well, I'll give you a hammer and saw,
but I have to have them back in a couple of days.
Send it back to you soon as I'm through with it.
Come on around to the barn. I'll see what I can dig up.
Say, you'll have to paint the place, won't you?
Have you got any paint?
Come to think of it, I ain't.
Got any red you can spare?
No, we've only got green.
Well, green will do. I ain't particular.
There.
I'll bet you've never looked as good as this in your whole life.
Oh! Oh, you!
Indians! Bob!
Bob! Bob! Indians!
Wait a minute, what are you talking about?
There! By the porch.
That's Geoduck and Crowbar.
Who?
Geoduck and Crowbar. They sell fish.
Fish?
You've been seeing too many westerns.
How are you, fellows?
Betty, look at these crabs.
Get a load of the size of them.
Are we gonna raise them, too?
We'll take a dozen of them. Just put them on the back porch.
Give them a hand, will you, Tom?
Say, who's Tom?
He's Pa Kettle's boy. He's gonna work for us.
I hope he doesn't take after his father.
So far he hasn't borrowed a thing.
Say, Betty, I've been looking at the egg charts.
Have you been collecting the eggs regularly?
Well, not exactly. They won't let me.
- They won't let you? - No.
Anyway, it seems kind of cruel to break up the family so early.
It's no joke, Betty. Those eggs have to be collected regularly.
Couldn't I do something else instead?
There's nothing difficult about it. A child can do it.
They look at me so hurt. I haven't got the heart.
That's ridiculous. Here, I'll show you.
Well, they don't act like that when I do it.
Let's see you do it.
There, now you see?
That's funny.
They don't like me.
Well, maybe you have the wrong attitude.
Chickens sense things in people, you know.
Frankly, I think they're stuck on you and resent me.
Well, maybe I better collect the eggs. You do something else.
Have you fed Cleopatra?
I was just going to.
She'll never get fat if you don't feed her, you know.
Oh, she's as fat as a pig right now.
Okay, toots, come and get it.
No, you don't. You come right back here this minute.
Cleopatra, do you hear me?
You get right back in this pen
before I do something you'll be very sorry for.
You hear me?
All right. You asked for it.
Come on. Come on, now.
Get back in here. Do you hear... Come on.
Come back here.
Cleopatra!
Cleopatra, come back here.
Having any difficulties?
Maybe I can help.
Here, pig, pig, pig.
Come on piggy, piggy, piggy. Pig, pig, pig, piggy. Here, pig.
Well, that's the idea. You certainly have a way with pigs.
Hello. I'm Harriet Putnam. Bella Vista Farms.
Oh, you have the fancy place down the road.
That's right.
This is my wife, Betty.
We've met already.
Come on, honey.
You're gonna have a lovely place here, once you get it fixed up.
Has loads of possibilities.
It still needs a lot of work, of course.
- Mind if I look around? - No, not at all.
I'll show you around.
We've only just started to get it in shape.
It's gonna be so nice having real people around for a change.
Hey, Betty, you better get cleaned up.
That isn't exactly perfume you're covered with.
How charming we look today, madam.
We look nothing of the sort. Who are you?
Best friend a farmer's wife ever had. Smiling Billy Reed.
Whatever you need, see Billy Reed. That's me.
Right now I don't need anything except a bath.
- Will you get out of my way? - For the bath!
Soaps fiori and perfumes from gay Paris.
Bath salts from the Isle of Capri.
- Yeah, some other time. - "Time," the lady says.
Got all the time in the world.
I got alarm clocks, grandfather clocks,
wrist watches, pocket watches,
lapel watches. If it's time you need, see...
"If at first you don't succeed, try again," says Billy Reed.
Please, I've got to change my clothes.
- "Clothes," the lady says... - Oh, yes, I know.
If it's clothes you need,
see Billy Reed. I don't want any. Now, will you please go away?
You can turn me down and send me away, but I'll be back another day.
Oh, isn't he nice?
Is he ours?
Yeah, I bought him from Doc Wilson.
Hi!
He's a wonderful hunting dog, but he's vicious.
- You gotta watch out for him. - Oh, he doesn't look vicious.
Honey, don't touch him. He's bitten about everybody in town.
- Honest? - Yeah, Doc says he took a piece out of
two postmen and three delivery boys.
I'll just tie him up in front here till I can build a run for him.
Don't want to get him too near the livestock.
- No telling what he might do to them. - What's his name?
- Sport. - Hiya, Sport.
Betty, don't touch him now. I tell you, he's dangerous.
Takes a steady nerve to handle a dog like this.
You better just leave him to me and stay away from him.
Well, he looks awfully sweet to me.
Women!
What on earth is that?
Hello. I didn't hear you come in.
It's just a contraption I rigged up.
Kind of an automatic feeder.
You see, the chicken pokes its head in there,
and then the grain will just naturally pour out.
I hope.
Wait, did you invent that?
Well, there's a couple of things I have to figure out.
Say, you're a regular Thomas Edison or somebody.
Not quite.
I just like to tinker around with machines and things.
Better than farming?
Much.
Put her there.
I'll tell you something. I like anything better than farming,
especially chicken farming.
- It's not much fun. - It's no fun at all.
You better let me.
Oh, would you?
You know, I don't think they care very much about me.
Shouldn't you be in school today?
Well, I finished school, high school anyway, last year.
Oh, I see.
What are you going to do now?
Oh, I don't know.
This or that, I guess. It doesn't make much difference.
Doesn't it?
Well, I sort of hoped I could go to college,
study engineering or something.
But there's not much chance of that.
Why not?
Well, there are a lot of reasons.
For one, Ma needs somebody around the place.
You know how Pa is.
Yes, I know how he is.
And I'm the oldest, so...
Well, anyway. Here.
Thanks.
I think I'll have a talk with Ma one of these days.
Oh, no!
Well, well, well.
Well, hello, Mr. Vicious.
Bob's gonna be awfully disappointed when he comes home
and finds out you haven't torn me to pieces.
Did you wanna show me what a great retriever you are?
Is that it? Okay, come on now. Do your stuff.
Oh, you old fraud.
You don't even retrieve either, do you?
Okay. All right, we won't tell Bob.
No, we won't tell him.
We'll just let him dream a little while longer, huh? Sure.
- Get in. - I'm only going as far as the Kettles'.
I'll drop you. Get in.
Thank you.
I'm Mrs. Hicks, the oldest family in the county.
- That's my mother. - How do you do? How are you?
Fine, considering my condition.
Oh, I'm so sorry. Aren't you feeling well?
Never had a sick day in her life. It's all in her mind.
Now, don't you go saying that, Birdie.
You know I've got complications.
Doctor Wilson says he never came across a case like mine
in his whole medical life.
Pa Kettle's been borrowing things from you already?
Never get it back, no matter what it is.
Lazy, shiftless crew, the whole lot of them.
Disgrace to the community.
I went to the city last year
and had a wonderful going over by a doctor there.
You the young couple who took that abandoned farm
up the mountains a ways?
It wasn't exactly abandoned.
- We bought it. - He said to me, "I don't ever remember
- "seeing a liver quite like yours." - Nobody else wanted it.
I call that abandoned. Whatever did you buy it for?
He gave me the most wonderful pills.
You'll never get it to look like anything.
It's too run-down.
I still got some.
I'll send a few over to you, if there's anything the matter with you.
As for farming, it'll be nothing short of a miracle
if you get anything to grow up there.
Better folks than you have tried it and failed.
Eyesore to the community.
I've tried my best to get them run out of the county.
But it's no use. You sure you want to stop off here?
- Positive. - You must come over sometime
and let me tell you all about the time I went to the hospital.
Can't say you weren't warned.
Thanks for the lift.
Hello.
Oh! Hello. How are you?
Fine.
Hello.
Hi.
Where's your mother?
- Get away! - Run right back to the boys!
Clear out of here! Go on, you.
- Well, well. - Hello. How are you?
Ain't this nice?
I was just wondering how long it would be
before you got so lonesome you'd have to come pay us a visit.
Come on to the kitchen. Why don't you talk a spell?
Thank you.
Come on, get out of here. Come on, scatter.
Get out of here! Go on!
My, my, don't you look fine?
Take a seat and make yourself at home.
Thank you.
Just throw that stuff anywhere.
How do you like your new place?
You don't look like a farmer to me.
I'm not, I'm afraid. But I'm learning.
Nothing like it, if it don't kill you.
You're staying for dinner tonight, surely.
Oh, no, thank you.
Of course you will.
Enough here for an army.
Now, if you'll just give me a hand setting the table here.
Oh, surely.
Tom was telling me what real nice people you was.
We think a lot of him, too. He's a good boy, and he's so clever.
Ain't he though? Not a might like the rest of the Kettles.
Makes me wonder sometimes.
Seems a shame he had to leave school.
Well, you know how it is. We need Tom around the place.
Pa ain't much for working...
...and the rest of the young'uns seem to take right after him.
Well...
Just the same, he ought to go to college.
College? What for?
Just so he can make something of himself.
You wouldn't want to watch him go to seed around here, would you?
Of course not. It ain't for me to say.
If he had a little help, he could make out all right at the state university.
There's no tuition, and he could work.
He been talking to you?
He wants to go so badly.
Yes, I know he does. I can see it in his eyes.
Tom got real high marks when he was in high school.
Ain't much I can do about it.
Well, it's too bad.
Don't know as I can get along without Tom.
We ain't got a live buck in the house, except for what he brings in.
Last money I saved up,
Pa put in a couple of minks he was gonna breed
and make us a fortune.
They up and died before they got around to breeding.
Pa's kind of a dreamer that way.
Now, if you'll just get hold of that there bell,
we'll let the hungry varmints know that dinner is ready.
Oh, sure.
You better stay out of that doorway, honey, before you get trampled on.
What?
I said, "You better stay out of that doorway."
Howdy.
Just sit yourself down anywheres, honey.
We don't stand on no ceremonies.
Henry, move over. Let the lady in.
Where's your manners, anyways?
Henry, you hear what I say? Move over and give the lady a place to sit.
I ain't Henry, Ma. I'm Albert.
That's Henry over there. Don't you remember?
Whatever your name is, move over and give the lady a seat.
Just make yourself comfortable, honey.
Okay, Pa.
Much obliged for everything.
Hey, Betty, what's this?
It's my kitchen garden. I told you about it.
Yeah, but you didn't tell me you were gonna put it here.
Well, what's the matter with here?
Nothing, except when it rains, it's gonna wash the whole thing out.
Water's gonna come over that embankment in sheets.
That's just why I put it here, smarty pants,
so it would get plenty of water.
Oh.
Well, have it your own way, but, come on, you better get dressed now.
We're gonna have lunch at Harriet Putnam's, remember?
- Do we have to? - Yup.
Boy, it's certainly a beautiful layout.
Well, Betty, maybe one of these days we can have something like this,
if we ever get a contract for our eggs.
Well, I could speak to Mr. Henty for you, if you like.
He's the agent for Great Western Markets out here.
They buy all my dairy products.
I'd certainly appreciate it.
We're just about at the stage where we can handle a steady contract.
I'll talk to him.
He does almost anything I ask him to do.
He's such a dear.
A young man, I take it?
Uh, he used to be.
He's a little crotchety now, I'm afraid.
Besides, he has a wife.
Those were the old rules.
Well, Harriet, do you think maybe we could go outside and look around a little?
Of course. I love to show it off.
Just wait till we get to the barn and I'll show you my Speckled Sussex.
Her what?
Speckled Sussex, that's a breed of hen, very special, too.
Oh.
It's my theory that an egg-raising flock
ought to be kept to 96% lay during most of the year.
I've got a headache.
What do you think, Harriet?
Well, of course so much depends on the breed.
I've got a headache.
Huh?
I've got a headache. I think I'd like to go home.
- Oh. - Oh, that's too bad.
Wouldn't you like to take something and lie down for a while?
No, I'd like to go home.
I was sort of hoping we could look around a little more.
Well, you can stay if you like. I can get home by myself.
- No, no. - I'm sure Ms. Putnam will be only too glad
to drive you home when she's through with you.
I'm sorry we have to rush off like this, Harriet.
That's all right. I understand.
Drop in sometime, when you're driving by.
- You haven't seen anything yet. - I'll do that,
and don't forget about Mr. Henty.
I won't.
I do hope you'll feel better.
Thanks.
Do you have these headaches often?
Often enough.
Very interesting. Goodbye.
- Bye. - Bye-bye.
Do you find Harriet attractive?
She knows an awful lot about chickens.
Well, if that's how you measure your women, where does that leave me?
You don't have to know about chickens to be attractive.
A lot of women don't, you know.
When I think of the years I spent learning how to be irresistible to my husband.
All you have to do is cackle.
I wonder if she could.
Wonder if she could what? Cackle?
No.
Take you away from me.
Don't be an idiot.
Oh, it's happened, you know.
Men have no sense at all when it comes to women.
Babes in arms.
Betty, will you stop? I can take care of myself.
Well, every man has his danger point.
Just get beyond it and he's a goner.
Don't talk like that.
Well, it's true.
Your danger point might very well happen to be
Harriet Putnam's beautiful house
and all that expensive farm machinery and those fat Hereford cows
touched by no human hand, poor things.
I'm not interested in Harriet Putnam's beautiful house
or her farm machinery or her cows.
I'm only interested in chickens and you.
Oh! Look out!
Oh.
Now look what you've done.
What's that?
That is a flat tire.
It isn't enough to go in the ditch.
- Oh, well. - What are we going to do now?
We're going to change it, what do you think?
Oh! Well...
Lucky I got some new equipment or we really would be stuck.
Mmm-hmm.
That's funny.
- What are you looking for? - The jack.
Is that it?
No, that's a wrench.
Don't you know the difference between a wrench and a jack?
Oh...
Is the jack that kind of funny-looking thing
about this high that goes up and down?
Yes, that's it.
Oh, that.
Where is it?
I used it yesterday to prop open the kitchen door.
You see, Sport was...
It's probably there now.
Uh-huh.
All we need now, to make the day perfect, is for it to rain.
You had to open your big mouth.
Bob! My garden!
Don't say it, you told me so.
Oh, it's too bad, honey.
Bob, we've got to get away from here before it's too late.
They don't want us here.
The mountains and the rain and the wind, they don't want us here.
They're fighting us all the time.
Now, Betty, stop it. It'll be all right.
No, we've got to get away from here before we lose everything,
we lose each other.
Betty!
Betty, wait.
"Stir rapidly."
"Stir rapidly
"and drop gently into pot."
Well...
Betty, where are my guns?
In the closet.
- What's the matter? - Cougar.
What?
A cougar.
Well, what's that?
Something like a lion. Very dangerous.
He's in the woods back of the barn,
Crowbar and Geoduck just told me.
They saw it.
What are you going to do?
I'm going to shoot him.
Why? Won't he go away?
No. It's after the livestock.
Oh.
Maybe if you just leave him alone, he'd disappear.
Cougars don't disappear. You have to shoot them.
Here you are, Crowbar.
Now we'll get Sport. He's a great hunting dog.
It'll be a wonderful chance to see how he works.
Look at him. He's raring to go. He's got the scent already.
Now stand aside when I let him out. He's pretty wild.
All right, boy, after him!
Hey, Sport! Sport, this way.
- Bob! - Sport, where are you going?
- Hey, Sport! - Bob!
- Where is he? Where'd he go? - He's under the stove.
What is it, the cougar?
No. It's Sport.
- Sport? - Sport, come on, boy.
Come on, we're going hunting. Cougar! Come!
Sport, come on, boy. Come on, Sporty.
Sport, come out of there.
All right, stay there.
That dog is dishonest.
Okay, it's safe now. You can come out.
Bob! Bob!
Bob, they're here. Hurry up!
Oh, you little darlings.
Aren't they cute?
What happened? What's the matter?
Look at them. Millions of them.
Aren't they wonderful?
Hey, be careful. They injure very easily.
Wait till Mr. Henty sees these.
I'll bet you he'll give us the biggest egg contract in the county.
Do we have to name them all?
Well, they're not pets, you know. They are our stock and trade.
If they don't get jammed under the brooder and smother,
or drown in the drinking fountain,
or get coccidiosis, or peck each other to death,
we may be in the chicken business yet.
Well, if you feel that way about them, why not drown them all now?
After you've fed and watered them every three hours, which you have to do
until they can take care of themselves,
you won't feel so sentimental about them.
You know, if you kids had any sense, you'd go right back where you came from.
What are you doing?
I'm cutting down a tree.
But whatever for? It's a lovely tree.
Well, we have to clear a space for the new chicken house.
Don't you think it's kind of awful to cut down a tree?
After all, Betty, we're not running a park here, you know.
Now, stand over there, so the chips don't fly in your face.
Hey, won't it fall on the chicken house?
No. No, dear, it won't.
It looks like it to me.
Darling, you take care of the kitchen
and I'll take care of the tree, what do you say?
I just thought. That's all.
Honey, it just so happens that I spent a whole summer in a logging camp once.
I've watched experts fall tree after tree.
Just the same.
Look, dear, this isn't a matter of guesswork.
It's a matter of science. It's a question of leverages, weights
and balances which I've worked out to the nth degree.
Now, the tree isn't going to fall on the chicken house.
It's going to fall right over there.
And if you don't believe it, just wait and see.
If you don't mind, I'll wait in the house, where I'll be safe.
Timber!
No, no! No! No!
Bob!
Bob! Bob, where are you?
Where are you, Bob?
Oh!
Timber!
Very funny.
Is that you, Bob? Dinner's ready.
I'll be there in a minute.
Oh, Bob!
I hope I'm not late.
Happy Tuesday.
Thanks to you, and many of them.
I like your gown. Have I seen it before?
Yes, I wear it at all my weddings.
Well, where would you like to dine? Any ideas?
Wherever you say.
There's the Palace Hotel in San Francisco. Wonderful food.
Or Antoine's in New Orleans, if you like bouillabaisse.
Or we might hop over to New York and try 21.
Yes, let's try 21.
All right.
Mac, do you have a table for us?
This one right here? This is our table right here.
Wonderful looking food from a wonderful looking chef.
An excellent dinner. My compliments.
Thank you.
Should we go dancing?
Why, I wouldn't mind.
Stork Club's just around the corner.
That sounds fine.
I'll have the orchestra play something special.
All right.
Darling, thanks for a wonderful evening.
You the folks that live here?
- Why, yes. - Well, I'm Henty.
Great Western Market.
Henty?
Oh, Mr. Henty! It's Mr. Henty.
How do you do, Mr. Henty?
Knocked on the front door, nobody answered.
So I come around by the back way.
Interrupting something, am I?
No, Mr. Henty. We...
My wife and I were just... This is my wife.
How do you do, Mr. Henty?
We were just celebrating our...
- Anniversary. - Birthday.
I see.
Maybe I better make it another time.
- No, don't go, Mr. Henty. - We're all through, aren't we, Bob?
Yes, of course we are.
You come right over here and sit down. We're certainly glad to see you.
Sit right down there.
Well, just for a minute.
Would you care for a cigar, Mr. Henty?
Never touch them.
Bob, perhaps Mr. Henty would like a drink.
Of course.
Don't touch that, either.
Oh. Well, we just keep it around, in case.
Some people do, you know.
So I've heard tell.
Isn't this nice, your dropping in on us like this, Mr. Henty?
We've heard so much about you.
Yes, we certainly have.
I was over to Ms. Putnam's.
Wonderful little lady, Ms. Putnam.
Yes, wonderful.
She's my dearest friend.
She told me you people might have some eggs to sell.
Yes, that's right, Mr. Henty, we have.
Thought I'd drop around on the way home, look things over.
Well, mighty glad you did.
Of course, we're not up to full production yet,
but I'd be glad to show you the layers we have.
Won't be necessary.
I judge my eggs by the people that produce them.
Like chicken, like master, I always say.
When I was a little girl, I got seven medals
for perfect attendance at Sunday school.
Didn't I, Bob?
Yes. Yes, she did, Mr. Henty.
That's the main reason I married her.
I was an Eagle Scout, myself.
You're not going to leave us so soon, Mr. Henty?
Why, it's early, Mr. Henty. You just got here.
Don't believe in folks staying up too late.
Early to bed, early to rise.
Makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.
How right you are, Mr. Henty.
Where's my hat?
It's right over...
Sport! I'll get it.
Sport, get off...
Very friendly dog, Mr. Henty. He likes to sit on hats.
Here, I'll fix it.
Never mind. I'll do it.
Just how many dozen eggs do you think you'll be needing per week, Mr. Henty?
Any idea?
I don't know.
- Got to think it over. - Uh-huh.
Good night.
- Good night, Mr. Henty. - Good night, Mr. Henty.
Come again.
Well, that's the end of Mr. Henty.
Yeah.
Gonna have to eat an awful lot of omelets.
Why did he have to show up tonight?
Oh, well.
- Hey, you know something? - What?
I just remembered, I never did carry you over the threshold.
That's right. You didn't.
Just a minute.
Now.
Send up another batch of them nails, and I figure we're all set.
Okay, drop her down.
There she goes.
Say, is Ma home? I've got business with her.
That's where I left her.
All right, take it away.
Up she goes.
Betty, how do you like it? All set up and ready to go.
You'll have water in the kitchen any minute now.
All we have to do is fill it up.
- You think it'll work? - Oh, sure, Pa's an expert on water tanks.
He may not know about anything else, but he knows about water tanks.
He says.
Hello.
Bob, I need your help.
What's the matter?
Just about everything.
My generator broke down this morning,
and everything has stopped at my place.
The cows haven't been milked, the chickens can't be fed.
My entire dairy products are ruined.
And my foreman hasn't the slightest idea of what to do about it.
I can leave here for a while. I'll come over and give you a hand.
Would you?
Why don't you get Tom Kettle? He's a genius with machinery.
I couldn't possibly trust him. He's such a boy.
This is a man's job.
I see what you mean.
Uh-huh.
I'll be back for lunch.
- Goodbye. - Bye.
Hello.
Come right on in.
Don't stand on no ceremony. Come on in.
I came to bring you something. It's a present.
- For me? - Yup.
Jiminy whiz!
I made it myself. You like it?
Track my hide and call me a possum.
Ain't this something?
I thought you might like to wear it at the dance tonight,
so I kind of rushed it at the last minute.
You might have to do over a couple of the seams.
I ain't never been so surprised, I don't know when.
First new dress I've had since way back before the war.
Stylish too, ain't it?
You'll be the best-dressed girl at the ball.
I can't imagine why you went to all this trouble for.
Oh, it's no trouble. It's fun.
Get some of them cookies out of that jar in the corner of the pantry,
- and I'll pour some coffee. - All right.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, pay it no mind.
Just leave it. Might as well be one place than other.
Come on. Get away. Get away from there.
When I was first married, dear, I was as neat as the next one.
Tried to keep my house and kids clean.
That Pa is an awful lazy old so-and-so,
and it was fight, fight, fight all the time. So I finally gave it up.
I said, "I can't make Pa change and be neat.
"So I'll have to change and be dirty."
Been peace in this house ever since.
There now, ain't this come along pretty?
Oh, it's perfectly beautiful.
I've made one of these here quilts every year since I was married.
Got them in the closet, in the spare room.
I figure it'd be something real nice to leave the kids when I die.
Say, why don't you enter it in the county fair?
Oh, really, you should. It's a wonderful idea.
What in tarnation for?
Well, you might win first prize.
You could give the money to Tom, and he could enter college.
Now, wouldn't that be grand?
It ain't no use.
Birdie Hicks will win it.
She wrangles things around every year,
so as one of her relations gets on the committee that judges them.
Well, you could try, anyway.
- I've got a better idea for it. - What?
When it's finished, I'm giving it to you.
Oh, no.
I got a whole parcel of them laid away,
and there ain't nobody I'd rather see have it.
Take another one of them cookies, why don't you?
Plenty where they come from.
I'll get you some to take home.
They're wonderful. How do you make them?
Just a drop of this and a drop of that.
Mix it together and shove it in the oven.
You home already? It ain't near feeding time.
Got your water tank up. You'll have running water any minute now.
Oh, thanks. That'll be a relief.
Never could see the sense of running water in the house, myself.
Rather get mine straight out of the ground, where the good Lord put it.
I don't hold with too much water anyhow, rust the bones.
Well, I'll chance it. Thank you. Goodbye.
Mighty fine of you to make me that dress, honey. I sure do appreciate it.
I got the best of the trade. It doesn't hold a candle to your quilt.
- See you at the party tonight. - You bet.
Hello there!
- Hello. - Oh, hello.
- How're you kids? - Hi.
- How do I look? - Perfect.
Hey, come out of there. Wait your turn.
Say, don't you folks want something to eat?
No, thanks. Not just now.
I always bring my own vittles to these shindigs.
I don't like strangers feeding us.
Now where did he disappear to?
William! What're you doing up there?
Didn't I tell you behave yourself?
We'll see you later.
Hey!
Sorry.
Well, greetings. Isn't this quaint?
You remember Mr. Henty.
Yes, we've met.
I've been working on Mr. Henty to give you that egg contract.
I've got him practically to the signing point.
A recommendation from Mrs. Putnam goes a long ways with me.
Of course, we're not taking on any new obligations these days.
Don't worry, it's in the bag.
- Quite a character. - Yes, isn't he?
- I mean her. - She's all right.
Mighty nice of her to go to all that trouble.
We could sure use that contract.
Hello.
Oh, hello. How do you feel?
Terrible. This is my doctor.
Oh.
- How do you do? This is my husband. - How do you do?
Big, isn't he?
- Who was that? - Mrs. Hicks' mother. She's an invalid.
Doing all right for an invalid.
- Oh, no! - I'm sorry.
We were just trying to get out of the way...
Oh, my heavens.
I'm sorry, Mr. Henty. We were just...
Never mind!
I'll wipe it myself.
Well, there goes the egg contract.
You're certainly not helping me much. I'll see what I can do.
You shouldn't have done that to Mr. Henty.
He's a very fine man and one of our leading citizens.
We didn't do it on purpose.
One thing we don't stand for at these affairs
and that's roughhouse.
If you want to stay around here, you better behave yourself, young man.
Don't worry, Mrs. Hicks, I'll keep an eye on him.
- See that you do. - Here.
Here, try one of these, they're... They look delicious.
They ought to. Don't you recognize her?
Oh!
- You mean... - That's Cleopatra. It was our donation.
What's the matter? Aren't you going to eat it?
What do you think I am? A cannibal?
- Well, glad to see you. - Hello, Pa.
What'll it be?
Some of the same.
Got something a little better than the same.
Just try that for size.
Made it myself. Fresh out of the still this afternoon.
None of that old stuff for me.
- Is my head still on? - I can't see it anyplace.
Oh, God.
- Are you took? - What?
I said, are you took?
He wants to dance with you.
- No. Tell him no. - Go ahead.
I'm sorry, I'm engaged.
Betty, at affairs like this, you're supposed to dance
with anybody that asks you.
Otherwise, they're liable to say you're a snob.
Are you ready?
Yes.
Betty doesn't seem to be able to find a partner that fits her.
I think I better rescue her.
Get me a cold drink first, will you, please? I'm dying of thirst.
Well...
I certainly had a hard time getting to you.
You're the most popular girl at the ball.
You know, it's an honor I'd gladly give up.
I've been pushed and pulled around this floor until
I don't know whether I'm coming or going.
You wouldn't like to sit this one out, would you?
Give my feet a rest.
Sure. I'll get you something to drink.
May I?
Must you? I mean, couldn't you some other time?
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.
Billy Reed's motto in work or play.
Do you think, we could slow down a bit?
Just follow the lead with Billy Reed.
If I have any feet left.
Thank heavens.
Don't you ever get tired?
Vitamin pills.
Yeah, I know, you sell them.
Greatest little item I handle.
I don't want any, though. I'd rather wear out in my own way.
I've got to get out of here while I can still walk.
You know, I admire you tremendously.
Yeah?
You're one woman in a million.
Greatest sales resistance I ever met up with.
Oh, thanks. It's no effort at all.
Try and resist me if you can, but Billy Reed will get his man.
But I'm not a man.
Well, how's this?
Fine.
Bob, can't we talk about something besides chickens?
All right, what'll it be?
Well, what about you?
- Do you like your farm? - Sure.
And Betty, does she like being a farmer's wife?
Yeah, she likes it fine.
It was a little rough on her at first, but she's getting used to it.
Men are such fools about women.
They invariably marry the wrong one.
I wouldn't say that.
All my husbands did.
Bob! Darling, are you hurt?
No, but...
The party's getting rough. I think we better go in.
Harriet, would you excuse me?
Of course. See you later.
Getting some air?
How long have you been out here?
I just came out this minute.
It was awfully hot in there.
You having a good time?
Somebody hit me on the head with this shoe.
No. What for?
Just trying to be funny, I guess.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
Don't do that! It's mine.
So it was you.
Yes, now you go right out there and get it.
What was the idea?
Must be over in those bushes.
I repeat, what was the idea?
I didn't mean to hit you, honest. I meant to hit her.
- Did it hurt? - Of course it hurt.
Betty, I don't see why you don't like Harriet. She likes you.
She said she admires you very much.
Now she's saying nice things about me.
That's just why I don't like her...
You're being childish.
I am not being childish!
Now, that barnyard glamour girl is setting a trap for you
and you're just goofy enough to fall into it.
You know, I don't like to point, but you're beginning to make a noise
like a jealous female. It isn't becoming.
Now, just exactly what has she got that I haven't got, except chickens?
Well, for one thing, she hasn't got me, as you seem to think.
Well, it's hardly noticeable.
Betty, you're not really serious about this?
You know better than to think a thing like that.
I don't know what to think.
Every time I look around, you've got your heads together.
It's getting monotonous.
Well, I should think you could trust me.
In my book, a marriage without trust doesn't amount to much.
I trust you. It's Ms. Dreamy Puss I don't trust.
Thanks for the vote of confidence.
You know, if I had a farm like hers
and running water and plumbing and electricity and machines
to take care of the livestock, I'd have more time to concentrate on you, too.
So it isn't me you're jealous about. It's her farm.
I'd like to see her carry a couple of pails of water
every morning from the well to the house.
That's all.
What do you want to do Betty, give up?
All you have to do is say the word, you know.
Well, when are we going to get a farm like that,
with machines and gadgets and little men all over the place doing things?
When we've earned it.
- Did she earn it? - Well, that's different.
With her, her farm is a hobby. With me, it's a cause.
I want to carve it out of rock with my bare hands.
Yeah, and mine, don't forget.
Just look at them, will you?
You'd never believe that they used to get a manicure twice a week
and never did anything rougher than play the piano.
Well, if you ask me, they're being a lot more useful.
You should be very proud of them.
I've got a great idea. Why don't you poison me and marry her?
You'd make a wonderful husband for her.
Fine. I like that. Like it.
We could spend our honeymoon in the electric chair thinking about you.
Attention, folks. Quiet please.
Sheriff Drum is here to make a very important announcement.
We'd better go and see what's up.
But what about my shoe?
I don't like interrupting, folks, but we've got a little trouble.
Is Pa Kettle here?
Right over this way, sir.
Pa, you'd better get along home. Your barn's on fire.
Jehoshaphat!
I told you that still of yours would blow up someday,
and by golly it did.
Ma.
We're coming, Pa.
- Tom! - Here, Ma.
That ain't all, folks.
You see, a westerly wind blew up
and carried the flames over to the woods just beyond.
And now we've got a man-sized forest fire on our hands,
moving up the whole valley.
We did the best we could, but it sort of got out of hand.
Now, I wanna suggest that all you folks that have homes up in that district,
that you get along.
Come on, Betty.
Now, we can use all the volunteers that we can get.
It looks pretty bad.
We'd better wet down the barn and chicken houses.
I'll get a shoe.
Lucky we built this tank. It will give us enough pressure to do some good.
- Yeah. - Take it up to the barn.
We'll start on that first.
Don't let it kink.
No.
Okay. Here it comes.
Bob, look out! Oh, heavens!
Well, that's that. I guess Pa can't build tanks, either.
We could carry pails of water from the well.
No, we couldn't do it fast enough to do any good.
You'd better get back to the house and start packing.
- Packing? - Yeah.
If the wind changes, we're a cooked goose. We'd better be ready.
- I'll go get the animals out. - Oh, Bob.
Now, don't worry, honey. We'll manage.
Sure, we will.
Wind's changing.
Coming from the east.
Heading this way.
Only thing that can save you now is for it to rain.
Doesn't look like it's going to.
I'd better get back to the house.
Sorry about that still.
It couldn't be helped.
No use doing anything more here, men. Thanks for your help, anyway.
Bob, are you all right?
Yeah, I'm all right.
- How is it? - The wind shifted.
If it doesn't rain, we'll be burned out.
- Do you think it will rain? - No, it doesn't look like it.
It'll be the only time it hasn't.
We better finish packing and get the truck loaded.
Well, not very pretty, is it?
It's awful.
Anyway, it rained before the house burned.
Yeah, it's something to be thankful for.
Well, Betty, this is it. We're finished.
I wonder if Saddle, Finch, Tanner, Pease and Stuck will take me back.
Not in those clothes.
I'll have to dig out the double-breasted with the pinstripe.
I think you look mighty handsome in the double-breasted
with the pinstripe.
It's certainly going to take a lot of building to get this place going again.
Yeah, a new barn, new chicken house,
new pig pen, plant a new orchard.
It's going to be a lot of work for somebody.
Yeah. When do we begin?
We?
I don't know who else. Do you?
Betty, you're crazy. I know when I'm licked.
Just on account of a little fire?
What's the matter with you, anyway?
They built up Chicago after the fire, didn't they?
And San Francisco.
If they can build up a couple of cities, you know,
we ought to be able to build up a chicken farm.
Betty, you mean you want to, really?
I want to, really.
I don't want to quit, either. I'd never feel right about it.
I was just thinking about you.
We're not going to quit.
Oh, Betty.
I think you've kind of outgrown
the double-breasted pinstripe anyway.
If that's Harriet Putnam, all I can say is she picked the wrong day.
No, it sounds like something's up.
Now, you got yourselves pretty well burned out last night.
Livestock, buildings, crops, most everything.
Now, there's hardly one of us that hasn't got more than they can use at this time.
So we've gotten together to give you whatever might be necessary
to get you started again.
Now, I don't want you young people to think that we've come here with charity.
Nothing of the sort.
You took a bad beating last night. There's no denying that.
But you're not the first, and you won't be the last.
And we know that you're not foolish enough
to be feeling sorry for yourselves this morning.
We've all had our share of troubles,
everybody that you see gathered here today.
If it wasn't fire, it was something else,
sickness, death, bad crops, one thing or another.
But that's the Lord's way. I guess he knows what he's doing.
Now, folks, I'm going to call your names off of this list here,
and I want you to reply and tell me what you're going to give,
what your donation is.
Whether it's a couple of days work, or a jar of preserves,
or whatever it may be. Just speak right up. Mr. Henty?
A two-year contract for their entire output of eggs and a cash advance.
Reasonable, of course.
Mrs. Putnam?
One dozen speckled Sussex hens.
Mr. and Mrs. Asa Pettigrew.
Two suckling pigs and corn to feed them.
Jake Brainheimmer and wife.
Six bags of assorted seed and the loan of my tractor.
The Burlaga family.
Four Rhode Island layers and the rooster, too.
Ma and Pa Kettle.
Nine two-by-fours, three pounds of nails, hammer and a saw...
And a quart of green paint.
Hey, Betty. Come on. Hurry up.
Here I am.
All right, I'm coming.
Wanna get there before the crowd.
Yeah.
I've never been to a county fair before.
You haven't lived.
I'll never get a chance to if Ma Kettle finds out
I entered her quilt in the competition.
Tally-ho, tally-ho!
Come out here in front, friends. Come on down, folks.
Providing a little culture here!
Rick Tolky and his gay Hawaiian dancers from that island of Hawaii.
Folks, we've carried it all the way to you.
Folks, you don't have to wait. Step right in!
Shown by the son of Mr. Park.
Beautiful animal. That's Harriet's.
Yeah, there's quite a family resemblance, don't you think?
Hello!
Hello, Ma.
Well, now, you two having yourselves a good time?
Yes. Winning any prizes?
Not me. I ain't entered, and I ain't a winning.
Birdie Hicks just took the prize for her preserves.
Head judge is her cousin. That don't hurt none.
Is he head judge of everything?
Well, if he ain't, some other cousin is.
There's a Hicks everywhere you look.
You can't fall down around here without landing on a Hicks.
You staying here, or do you wanna look around a bit?
Sure.
My brood's scattered themselves to kingdom come.
Pa lit out, and I ain't seen hide nor hair of him.
I think I'll go along with Ma. I'm a little tired of cows, even Harriet's.
Well, I'll catch you later. Okay.
Hereford, three years old.
- Bob. - Shown by Elsworth Hicks.
- Hello. - Hello.
- Isn't this fun? - Certainly is.
- Who's going to win? - Well, I don't know.
You're showing some mighty fine stock.
- Mighty Chance is a beauty, isn't she? - You bet.
Come along to my box with me and hold my hand.
- I'm so excited. - All right.
Are you having fun?
I ain't had so much fun since our Bessie had a two-headed calf.
Ma. Hey, Ma. Can I have a nickel?
For goodness sake, Elly, don't muss me.
I gave you a nickel a little while ago, didn't I?
Don't go leaping up on this here contraption while it's a-going.
Do you wanna get killed?
I'm not Elly, Ma. I'm Sal.
You gave Elly a nickel.
So you are. Land of Goshen, I thought you was Elly.
Well, I'll give you a nickel, dear, if I can find it.
Now, stretch it out for the rest of the day.
Didn't I tell you not to go jumping off this here contraption?
Ain't young'uns a nuisance though?
Swear I got so many of them I can't keep track of them.
Just wait until you have yourn, you'll know what I mean.
How many you counting on?
Well, just one to begin with.
But not for some time yet. It's not on our schedule.
Schedule? They having them by schedule these days?
Land of Goshen, what will they think of next?
Say, we don't want to be late for the prizes.
You ain't gone and entered something, have you?
Oh, no. No, I'm just interested.
Greetings, greetings, greetings!
Hello. My, are you really as important as all that?
Vice-president in charge of practically the whole works.
- You don't say. - Yeah. Top man.
Anything you need, ask Billy Reed.
I'll see you later, Ma.
I've got some business to discuss with Mr. Reed.
You gonna buy something?
You come along with me.
Don't let him sell you nothing.
First thing you know, he'll be making you pay first.
Boy, she certainly is a fine animal.
You know, you have a wonderful farm.
I thought you didn't approve of my kind of farm.
Well, I don't in principle, but in practice, it has a lot to be said for it.
Well, unfortunately, livestock and machinery don't make a good farm.
It does need a man.
Well, you've got men all over the place.
- I said a man. - Oh.
You know, I thought it would be so wonderful
to hide away from everybody and be a lady farmer,
but a prize Hereford is small solace
on a cold, wintry evening, I'm discovering.
Well, that shouldn't be too hard to remedy for you.
But all the best men are taken.
Well, why don't you sell the farm?
Is that the only solution?
Well, it's one, anyway.
Tell me, are you in the market for it?
No.
I'm afraid it's way over my head.
How can you tell until you've tried it?
How much would it take?
Make an offer.
Well, I'd have to examine it.
Oh, naturally.
Well, maybe I could come out and see it tomorrow.
Will you be home?
Yes. But why not today?
Well, all right. I'll go and tell Betty that I'm going...
Don't be silly. We'll be back before you're missed. Jump in.
Okay. Shouldn't take long, anyway. Should it?
Not long at all.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the winner of the patchwork quilt annual competition, Mrs. Kettle.
First prize goes to Mrs. Kettle. Better known as Ma.
Well, Jack, beat that.
You can send over that portable billiard table anytime you're ready.
A set of encyclopedias, don't forget.
Yeah, and a set of encyclopedias.
Ma, you won!
Leaping Lena. You went and entered that quilt I give you.
I told you you'd win.
Can't understand it with all of them fine quilts from all over the county.
Well, yours was the best. That's all.
Hello. How are you? You don't look well at all.
I never felt better in all my life.
Guess Birdie Hicks don't like me taking the prize away from her.
And here's your ribbon and your check.
Which I will keep for you
in full payment on a brand-new electric washing machine.
Something you can't do without, Mrs. Kettle.
No, you don't, either. This is for Tom.
I just saw him. Where... Just a minute.
Tom. Tom.
Tom! Tom!
Tom, what do you think? Your mother's quilt won first prize.
Gee, that's swell.
Now you can go to college. Isn't that...
Gosh.
Oh, I...
Oh, my.
She's fainted. Somebody get a doctor.
There now, honey. You feeling better? I sent Tom to look for Bob.
I can't imagine what happened to me.
I've never fainted before in my life.
You better stop in to Doc Paulson's on the way back to town.
What for?
Honey, you sure you looked at that schedule lately?
Huh?
Attaboy, that's a good fellow. Tonight's the night.
Look at that.
Now, don't you start.
What do you want?
Sport.
- Hello. - May I come in?
Of course. Please do.
You just sort of surprised me.
I didn't hear anybody drive up.
I hope I'm not disturbing you.
Good heavens, no.
I'm tickled to death to have someone around.
- Won't you sit down? - Thank you.
My husband's been delayed, and I hate being home alone.
Won't you have some coffee? I was just going to have a cup myself.
That would be just lovely.
I don't seem to remember seeing you anywhere.
No, we don't seem to get around as much as we used to.
Albert and me keep pretty much to ourselves these days.
Don't we, dear?
I beg your pardon?
Oh, my. I don't believe you've met my husband yet. Have you?
This is Albert. He's so retiring.
Sometimes people just don't notice him at all.
How do you do?
My, don't they look delicious, though?
Did you make them yourself?
Does he want any, do you think?
No, dear. Albert never touches sweets.
Not good for his figure, you know.
Albert and me used to have a chicken farm, too, a long time ago.
Didn't we, dear?
It was so nice. Everything was so happy until Charlotte came.
You heard about Charlotte?
- No. - Didn't you?
She was just a plain, ordinary little white leghorn when she was hatched,
but as time went on, she got bigger and bigger
and bigger and bigger and bigger,
until she was this high. Higher than a man.
And that's when I began to notice she wasn't friendly.
She used to look at Albert and me as if she could peck us right to pieces.
It made me nervous, I can tell you.
Why once, when I was getting into bed,
I heard a scratching noise, and I looked up,
and there she was staring at me through the window.
The wickedest look in her eye you ever saw.
And then one night, Albert and me was sitting in the kitchen
having a cup of coffee just like we are now,
when I heard a noise on the porch.
And before we could take any notice of it,
there was a knock at the door.
Knock, knock, knock.
Oh, there you are, Emily.
I thought I'd find you here.
Hello, Sheriff.
I've been expecting you.
You've been a bad girl again, Emily.
Come along, Albert. It's time to go back now.
Thank you very much. We've had a lovely visit.
You must drop in and see us sometime.
She's a good soul.
Hope she didn't disturb you too much, ma'am.
No. No, I enjoyed every minute of it.
Emily is harmless enough.
She walks out once in a while, and it's up to us to come and fetch her.
But it's never any trouble finding her.
She always comes to this place.
She used to live here, you know.
She lived here?
Yes, she and her husband used to raise chickens.
Made a very nice thing out of it, too.
Then one day Albert, he up and ran off with another gal.
We've never seen hide nor hair of him since then.
Drove poor Emily plum loco.
Well, goodnight, ma'am.
Sleep tight.
Leaving me all alone. Lunatics running all over the place
with husbands you can't see and chickens bigger than a man.
You can't do this to me, Bob. Do you understand?
I won't put up with it another night.
No, I won't. Not another night.
Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm losing my mind, too.
Bob!
- What is it? - Got a message for you, ma'am.
Thanks. There's no answer.
My goodness. You didn't sleep in your bed again last night.
Your mother's going to raise the roof when she hears about this.
And what's more, I'm going to tell her.
I told you I can't sleep in it. It's too soft.
Now, whoever heard of a bed being too soft? Stuff and nonsense.
You'll have no spine left sleeping on that sofa.
You were up early again, too. I heard you moving around the kitchen.
I can't help it, Emmy. I got in the habit.
The minute the sun rises, I just have to get up.
First thing you know, you're going to be sick carrying on this way.
Shall I fix your bath?
Yeah, bring it in.
Bring it in?
Oh.
I keep forgetting. We have a room for that here, haven't we?
Land's sakes. It went right out of my mind. I got a letter for you.
Looks like it might be from your husband.
Send it back unopened.
- You mean you're not gonna read it? - No, send it back.
Anything from Bob?
No.
Betty, for heaven's sake, you don't mean to tell me
you're still sending his mail back unopened?
It's perfectly ridiculous. No wonder he's stopped writing you.
Mother, if he had any real interest in me,
he'd have been here months ago.
Emmy, I told you never to serve me eggs.
I can't stand the sight of them.
Well, you've got to eat. You've got to keep your strength up.
No. Now, look, if I never see another egg, it'll be all right with me.
Just as you say, but I won't be responsible.
In my opinion, both you and Bob are behaving very stupidly.
Mother, we've been all over this before. Now, please, don't.
You know how I feel about interfering,
but I hate to see a perfectly good marriage break up
because of a lot of silly stubbornness.
In my opinion, you ought to keep in touch with him,
especially at this time.
I don't wanna be in touch with him.
Nothing in the whole world would ever make me go back to him again.
Nothing.
Isn't it funny how a little bit of nothing like this
makes everything else so unimportant?
You fight and struggle and argue and do crazy things.
None of it makes any difference.
This is what really counts.
Mother, I'm going back to Bob just as soon as I can.
We're coming in to your station, ma'am. Better be getting started.
Thank you.
Well, here we go.
Get ready to surprise your father.
It won't be long now, darling.
It's not much, but it's home.
And remember, don't be too hard on it.
It'll grow on you after a while.
And so will your father when you get to know him.
He's a pretty nice fellow in many ways.
Of course, he has some strange ideas about how to live.
And he can be taken in by any designing female in a station wagon.
But on the whole he's really swell.
And awful cute.
Full of high ideals.
Did you know you could do a lot worse than grow up to be just like him?
What are you stopping here for?
You're looking for your husband, ain't you?
Yes.
Well, that's where he lives.
Well, ain't you going in?
Drive back to the station.
You poor child. It's not your fault he's your father.
Don't you worry. They say there's nothing to heredity anyway.
But if you ever grow up to be like him,
I'll never speak to you again as long as I live.
I only wish I had him here a minute. I'd show him.
And that woman, too.
Driver, stop.
Go right back to that house.
Yes, indeedy.
Would you hold her for me for a minute?
Ain't I gonna get to see nothing?
No, but you're going to hear plenty.
Get away from me, you traitor.
Very cozy.
- Betty. - Don't you Betty me, you bluebeard.
- Bluebeard? - I suppose you could hardly wait
till I got out of your way so you could move over here with that silly woman
and her station wagon and her automatic milkers.
- Now, wait a minute, Betty... - Just wait till she finds out
that you're more interested in those automatic milkers
than you are in her. That's all.
- Now, you listen to me... - I gave you the best years of my life.
- One year. - Well, it seemed like 10.
Washing, ironing, cooking, keeping house, tending pigs,
chasing cows and hatching eggs.
And for what? I'd like to know.
Just so you could run off with the first idiot who made goo-goo eyes at you.
- Are you through? - Yes, I am for the moment.
And if you have anything to say, you'd better make it good.
I'll make it good, all right.
To begin with, I'm not living with Harriet Putnam, as you seem to think.
I'm living by myself, and do you know why?
Because my wife walked out on me
before I had a chance to tell her I bought this farm for her.
- You what? - Yes, I bought it.
I hocked everything I owned in the world to make the down payment.
I wanted to surprise you with it, because you were so wonderful.
You took it on the chin and worked so hard,
and don't think I didn't know it and didn't appreciate it.
- Oh, Bob. - And then what do you do?
The very night I'm closing the deal,
after spending the whole afternoon listening to her silly talk
and sitting through a nine-course dinner
with crêpes suzettes, which you know I hate,
and I finally get her to sign the deal after promising half my life away,
and I go home and what do I find?
A big sign on the wall, "I'm through." Gone, just like that.
Bob, I didn't know.
Well, if you'd had the decency to read my letters, you'd have known.
It's all in here.
Oh, no. Don't!
Bob, I'm so sorry.
It's like this, Betty.
If two people are going to get along, they just have to believe in each other.
No matter what. Always.
- Oh, Betty. - Oh, Bob.
I'm glad you're back.
Oh, darling.
- Do you know what day this is? - Uh-uh.
Happy anniversary.
I mean, happy day after our anniversary.
Same to you, and many of them.
Do you remember this?
What?
We're a little off schedule, aren't we?
Don't worry, darling. We'll make it.
Where are you going?
I've got a surprise for you.
Right on schedule.
Yeah.
Well, here.
What's his name?
Anne.
Glad to know you, Anne.
Mr. Bob. Mr. Bob!
Better come right away, Mr. Bob. We got trouble in the chicken house.
Those water pipes again?
Busted wide open, and them hens is going crazy.
Ten of them drowned already.
- Bob! - Huh? Oh!
- I'll be right with you. - Okay.
Don't go away, you two.
See what I mean? I could write a book.